Cardinals. Cats. Cards.

As I was sitting here pondering over what to write about today, and if what I have to say even mattered, I looked up from my purple laptop to see a vibrant male cardinal land on the cables running from my second floor home to the obnoxious telephone pole just out my window. Hi Grandma! I say to myself instinctively, after almost a lifetime of growing up with my Moms Mom representing the form of this beautiful bird. In New England, especially during the milder winters we've had the past few years, most cardinals live here year round, so the opportunities to be reminded of her are plentiful.

I think of my Grandma often, and have been told by family that I am a lot like her. She loved all colors, had a sweet tooth, enjoyed making things from scratch, always saw the best in people, told a good story, was a genuine friend and loved birds, especially cardinals. I see cardinals every important day in my life and it brings a smile to my face knowing she is here too. Obviously I see cardinals on not important days too, but no matter when I see a cardinal, the simple sight of a red dash out of the corner of my eye makes me feel grateful, loved, and I am reminded of the oneness of the world. Ahhhh

So, Grandmas appearance has got me back on track and ready to write. With Fathers Day coming up I've got a lot on my mind. All I keep thinking about is what I can do for my Grandpa, Dad, father-in-law, and AJ to show them how special they are.

In labor at home. ... I am trying to remain calm and at peace.
AJ is soooo excited to meet our baby "Buddha"  :)

Especially AJ. He helped to make me a Mama this past year. He works his ass off six days a week to be the financial father of our growing family. He is accepting and supportive of my ideas, creations and goals. He is a good Daddy to Adelaide and the smile she gets when she see's him makes me glow with warmth. She loves him so much. I love him so much. He is a really special guy.

But boy is he hard to buy gifts for! I am usually a really good gift-giver. Whether homemade or store bought, I think I put thought and love into the presents that I give to my loved ones. However, when it comes to AJ and our life together, it becomes difficult to live up to my own standards.

Ahhh, we were so young! The early days...

He is a simple man. I love this about him. I am far from simple. When we first met he was living with four boxes, a couch, a mattress, and an alarm clock. Seriously. I literally gasped the first time I walked into his shoreline studio apartment. Oh wow, I am smelling the familiar salty air, dewy mornings, stuffed ashtray, sweet sweat and potato chips as I reminisce. AJ had introduced me to potato chips dipped into Frito-Lay French Onion Dip that just so happened to be vegan. And I liked it. (Sometime later they changed their recipe and added a milk product. I stopped eating it right away.) We ate a lot of chips and dip those first few weeks...

Penny, 10 days old, on the couch.

That's what I mean. He wines and dines his ladies with chips and dip. Don't get me wrong, lucky for him, I was a chip and dip kinda gal. Well, I quickly learned that I was becoming a chip and dip kinda girl. (Yes, I smoked cigarettes and ate potato chips!) And I was happy to. We had lots of fun together and our connection was instantaneous. I knew after just a few weeks with him that this was the man I would like to share my life with. Hence, why I moved in after those few weeks. With me came the 22 years before him, and all that goes with it. A few months and a rescue kitty later we moved one hour away (closer to life) to a slightly bigger, still very cozy, studio apartment with our first addition, a gorgeous and finicky calico, Penelope Bo Jangles.

Bear, 5 weeks old, on the couch.

Flash forward five years. Two more female kitties have entered our home: Bear, who is playful and Penny's sidekick, and Sugar, our super sweet, old soul cat who had been through some rough few first years of life before winding up on our porch. A new apartment. This one is the second floor of a house. It's great. It really is. No matter how much I may complain at times. We have a good relationship with the guy downstairs and there is a mutual respect that has grown into a friendly acquaintance over the several years we've been rooted here. We have a good deal of space, a great deal of storage, a private driveway, our own flower and veggie gardens, room to compost and have a rain barrel, yard to set up my awesome drying rack, read a book in the sun, or let our ten month old baby girl crawl in (eat) the grass. AJ can walk to work, and does, every day, rain or shine, snow or sleet. He found us this apartment. What would I do without him?

Sugar, 2 weeks after we brought her in,
on the couch.

During these five years together our stuff (my stuff) has grown quite a lot. It really is our stuff. I swear! But too look around and think of something that AJ needs or wants is quite difficult. You see, as a typical guy, there isn't much that he wants for birthday/Christmas/etc, but that aside, the internal desire to do something to make him smile is important to me. Besides the Xbox and online gaming subscriptions I used to get him in the beginning of our relationship, I'm sure if you'd ask him I haven't exactly hit the nail on the head ever since...

The thing is, if he needs something practical, he gets it. If he needs something else, he just doesn't. He really never seems to need anything. I'm sure this would be different if I wasn't around getting him things without him even noticing simply because it is part of life. But my point is, he can get by with close to nothing. As long as I do the laundry, he rotates through the same ten shirts, he uses two bath products, he would be perfectly happy eating cereal and vanilla ricemilk for every meal, and he has the same routine most every day. He is happy and kind and simple. And he's mine. But what craft can convey my love this time? What organic shirt or framed picture or insense basket will show him how much he means to me?

I know the moral of this dilemma should be to just be nice, appreciative and loving every day of the year, that way the holidays are put more into perspective. But the reality is no matter how much you love somebody, life happens, shit happens, and sometimes I am not nice to him when he says something mean during an argument, or I'm not appreciative of him when he doesn't help with dishes, or loving towards him when I'm feeling exhausted, frumpy, irritated and in need of a nap. But I love him none the less. He is who I've chosen to spend my life with, through thick and through thin. He is the jelly for my peanut butter sandwich. He is the yang to my yin. He has made me a Mama, my favorite thing in the entire world, and that alone deserves something. But what?


Either way, I need to get started on our Fathers Day cards for everyone. I'll have Adelaide partake somehow...hmmmm...I feel another craft coming on...

And another cardinal!

HAVE A SUNSHINE DAY!

"Reality is when relationship happens."
~I AM documentary