Snippets and Surprises.

Baby Bu kept removing her
diaper this week in the heat.

She was so tired on this
morning trip to the market.

"Mama?! Why are there pins in my velcro?!"

Ada loves her sippy!
She's starting to like food too.

Curious naked baby.

She loves the piano. All music really.

Baby Mozart, playing piano with her feet.

What I wake up to every morning...sigh

Ada decided she now likes dollies, ever since my
best friends daughter left hers here yesterday
during a mama and girls playdate.
No, no diaper here either.

I learned several lessons about poop
cleanup this week. Several lessons.

Or here...
I LOVE that tongue :)

I am so excited for this weekend!

This has been a rough few weeks with Buddhas transition or growth spurt or adjustment to foods or the heat or whatever, but all along I have had a project by my side to help me to find peace. Lots of projects.

I am in charge of some pretty exciting things if you ask me. Now, whether or not I will succeed in manifesting what it is that I am envisioning in my head and heart is another story. But, I've really spent time and energy and love on these so I'm sure that if nothing else, that will at least we evident.


Eh, beauty is in the eye of the beholder anyway... And hopefully these beholders will find my art beautiful.


Because some of this is a surprise, I cannot share everything quite yet, but a sneak peak just might be in order:

So much more I want to say, but I really can't let myself get distracted any longer.

Have a glorious Independence Day weekend and stay safe with your loved ones.

HAVE A SUNSHINE DAY!

"You can learn many things from children.
How much patience you have, for instance."
~Franklin P. Jones

Cooling Off. Cooling Down.

This past week was hot. Very hot. The official arrival of Summertime has brought with it the glorious weather that is summer in New England.

In our house we don't use air conditioning. We have one window air conditioning unit, but we don't use it. By choice. I don't like to use it. It feels so artificial. I know it's not bad for you, like so many of the other things that I give up, but it just feels wrong. I also believe it's not very green (money and environment).

This was taken on July 27, 2011. I am ~35 weeks pregnant. I am surrounded
by 4 of our 5 cats (2 were temporary foster friends) and my giant floor fan.
I am laying on the bed that I started to birth our baby Buddha on
just 14 days later!

We do use fans; ceiling, oscillating, window and freestanding. I love fans. I wish we had solar-powered fans! When I was in my third trimester with Buddha in the peak of last summer, I slept with a fan blowing directly on me, from three feet away, every single night. As well as the rainbow ceiling fan on high above me. Annnd of course the window wide open.

Testing out the birthing bench. Not for me. At least not with Buddhas labor.
Notice the fan, like, on top of me.
Notice the vomit bucket...yeah, that happened too.

During my planned homebirth, I moved from room to room throughout the bulk of my labor. But during the final hours I found myself needing the comfort of our old bed, the coziness of our small room, the hodgepodgeity of baby-moving-rearranging items crammed around me and the familiar smells and happy memories that this all brought my way. As it was just AJ and I during the majoring of my labor, his presence was the absolute most important thing to me. It still is. He was absolutely amazing through the entire experience and I love him in a whole new level after living through this with him. And my floor fan. I could not have done this without my floor fan. Seriously. I think at one point I may have grumbled for it to get unplugged for fear that "the waves are gonna interfere with everything!!!". And it was with that same enthusiasm that I gnarled for a particular song (on AJ's last-minute-made-but-perfect-anyway laboring playlist) to "switch it!!! I don't know...it's just messing with me right now!" Looking back, I have no idea what song that was? But I do know that the multi-colored ceiling fan spinning above me was a calming constant before the final moments of peace were interrupted. I needed that  fan. I needed AJ. I needed my baby to be here and healthy, and hopefully had at home...

So fans are my savior, along with my fiance, (but that's enough about him!) and apparently Adelaide appreciates them as much as her Mama. Perhaps because she started to enter this world with a fan blowing directly on her bum? Or maybe because she was used to hearing it from inside my belly while we slept every night? Either way, I wasn't aware of this aide until just this past week...

Ada is working through her fourth tooth coming in (thank goodness for our Baltic Amber Teething Necklace!) she's spending her days in nothing but her beautiful baby skin and is still sweating, we are swimming at the marinas pool (chlorine, eck! I'll get into that another day...but clearly I succumbed to the heat), and playing in rooms with fans, fans fans. Besides being noticeably hot, she was so happy. Happy and naked and playing with her Mama. What could be better than that I suppose? Her naps were easy, as usual. She goes down with a 10 minute nurse and stays asleep anywhere from 45 minutes to 3 hours. This happens once or twice a day, depending on her mood and desire for a nap. But it's a whooole different story for bedtime.

Oh my. Do I even have the words to describe? Do I have it in me to really go there? (Whew! Saved by the bell! Er, the baby. Buddha just woke up....I'll be back in a few hours.)


Okay, after a quick trip to Michael's for some yarn (that I simply HAD to have, along with some other odds 'n' ends totaling around $30...I can never get just what I went in there for), Adelaide's second nap was just itching the happen. A 5 minute nurse when we got home put her out cold. See? Nap times are E-A-S-Y!

Then there is bedtime. Like I hinted: It. Can. Be. Brutal. Painfully. Brutal.

I am going to whine and complain. Heads up.

Parenting is HARD! I have chosen a standard of parenting that requires a lot from the Mama. (See Attachment Parenting.) I love it. I absolutely cherish my life and I feel beyond fortunate to have this be what I call my job: Baby Maker, Child Rearer, Diaper Washer, Sock Mender, Bath Giver, Poop Cleaner, Dish Washer, Bed Maker, Meal Creator, Milk Machine, Homeschooler, Baby Wearer, Teacher, Learner, Toilet Scrubber, Guidance Counselor, Decision Maker, Research Fanatic, House Cleaner, Pet Parent, Quilt Maker, Friend, Lover, Companion, Artist, Dreamer, Farmer, Gardener, Cosleeper, Full Term Breastfeeding, Clean, Green, Soulful, Stay-At-Home Mama. Again, can I just say how much I LOVE my boyfriend!!! (Without him, most of this wouldn't be possible.)

I am a feminist at heart, but my thoughts are that every woman should have the right to live the life that they want to live. Period. I also believe woman have the rights of their own bodies. But that's another topic altogether. The life that I want to live is a humble one. But a vocal one. I will talk about what I believe in. I will extend compassion to all earthlings. I will be the best parent, partner, person (see my blog entitled this!) I can be. I will work on improving myself at all times. I want to be the best me possible. I want to create the destiny I was meant to live. And I believe that to be what I described above, and then some. But god damn is it exhausting.

That's right. It freaking exhausting. I aspire to be the best kind of Mama (my standards), but like I have fully admitted many times before, I am not perfect. And I mess up. And I admit defeat. And holy hell are our bed times starting to get the better of me...

I have tried every approach:
~wait for her to show signs, start routine before signs, wait until shes beyond tired...
~Nurse in bed, in glider, in rocker, in nursery, in living room, in hallway...
~Lights off, lights on, night light, hallway light through the door...
~Sing nursery rhymes, sing her song (will talk about another day, my sister made it up the day that she was born...sigh...Auntie Love), sing The Beatles, Billy Joel, Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody (don't know why but that's always come naturally to me when trying to sooth her...obviously some parts over others!), Lady Gaga, Adele, whomever happens to be popular on the radio now, classical, Broadway, AJ singing Epo Pio (for another blog for sure!)...
~Silence.
~Naked, diaper, onesie, sleeper, shirt...
~Bamboo diaper, hemp diaper, organic cloth diaper, even tried the disposable diaper (when we've had to buy them out of bad time management twice...)...
~Window open, closed, door open, closed., cats in the room, cats out of the room...


EVERYTHING. I'VE TRIED EVERYTHING.


The only thing we haven't tried is AJ giving her a bottle of my breastmilk. Which we did have to do on a handful of occasions in the past 10 months and it didn't really go over too well. For either of them. So I am alone in this matter. And that is okay.


But boy is it rough. She fights me. You wouldn't think a little baby could bring you to such a place mentally and emotionally and physiologically...


She nurses right side eyes wide open. Sits up. Crawls up me. Scratches my shoulders. Bites my shoulders. Gets mad shes not nursing. Nurses again on that side until eyes get heavy. Nods off.


About one minute later she sits up again. Alert. Cries. Nurses left breast. Scratches my chest. Starts to nod off.


Sits up. Alert. Pinches my armpit. Crawls up Mount Mama again. Cries.Scratches my back. Nurses left again. (Pretty sure my left supply is less than my right, but she seems to prefer this side?) Stares up at me. Suckling. Pulls away. Smiles me a big beautiful smile. Sits up. Crawls up me. Hugs me. Lays her head on my chest. Whimpers. Cries. Cries. Hugs. More Cries. (BTW-I know her cries and these are not "I'm in pain cries".) Nurses left. Scratches my side. Bites my nipple (fortunately only 3+ teeth so far!) Falls asleep. Bring her into bed. Lay her down ever so slowly...


She wakes up. The same routine is repeated, but this time I'm rocking her on the bed (gotta imagine it's a great ab workout because they are throbbing by the time I finally change positions). Lay her down again once she falls asleep.


About one minute later, same shit. Oops. I mean, she wakes up again.  I won't bore you with the rest, but this goes on. Almost every night.


Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I get loud. Sometimes. I say "What do you need?! What do you want?!" like that's really gonna work. Sometimes I sit and try to physically feel love and peace and calmness emanate from my heart to her. Sometimes I fall asleep. Sometimes I yell for AJ or at AJ. Or curse him through the monitor, like its his fault. Because somehow I always justify to myself at that moment that it's his fault. 


I envy my girlfriends who can give their baby a bottle or nurse them and then off they go. Just like that. That must be so nice. And not stressful. And I am jealous of them. Even if their baby cries, it's not for long. Wow. I can feel myself turning green...


When she does, finally, up to 3 hours later, fall asleep, I am a much different person. I stare at her, sound asleep in my arms. I look at her eyelashes and how they curl so nicely (even though I didn't end up trimming them...for another blog!) I admire her rosebud lips that are the perfect shade of lipstick that I was looking for all those years (I haven't worn any makeup in over 15 months...another blog). I smile at her heart-shaped hairline...just like her Daddy. I love her wavy Mohawk. And her beautiful strawberry blond hair (I had the same color as a baby). And the shape of her face, how it's changing every day. And her ears, how I love those ears. And her chubby little hands. And the softness of her baby skin. And her smell. I love her smell. My Buddha baby smells like Tea Tree Oil (See my blog about The Miraculous Tea Tree Oil) and Rosemary. And lately Coconut Oil as we use it as a substitute for sunblock. (Again, I promise I will write about the amazing things I know about coconut oil.) I love her smell. She is sooo my baby. I think to myself, I wouldn't have this moment with her, if it weren't for what we just went through. Or was it going through those moments that makes the love grow even more?


I stare at her and I cry. I usually shudder too. It's like my body can't physically hold all of the love that I have for this child. This little person. "She's a little humie" as my little sister would say. And she is growing up so fast! Like way too fast. I can't handle it sometimes. She is just amazing. She awes me with her wonder every day. I have trouble dealing with my emotions sometimes and this book has been really helpful: Buddhism For Mothers of Young Children. It's amazing how a matter of minutes can change the mood. One minute I'm wondering if I ever should have chosen to become a mother, and silently sobbing to myself while wondering what it is I can possibly do to help my child, and thinking "is this what attachment parenting is? Is this what I signed up for?" And then the next minute I am streaming tears of joy and pride and the utmost love towards this beautiful, healthy baby girl.


But, the whole point of this was, this past week, she was especially bad...well, I should say, she seemed especially upset and I was especially unhelpful in calming her nerves and helping her to sleep. Her body was definitely hot and so was mine, so the more we held each other the hotter we both got. We were both mostly naked, pacing throughout the bedroom, crying together, loving one another, sweating, breathing, rocking. With the recently-brought-down-from-the-attic giant fan plugged in, we sat, embraced, one foot in front of it, turned on high, gliding in the glider, and gradually drifted to sleep. This was our routine for four nights in a row. I. Am. Exhausted. Seriously.


So Thank You giant fan of mine. You have been my saving grace in times of need. I don't know what I would have done without you. No matter how far I want to remove myself from modern amenities sometimes, I am truly grateful for my fans. All of them. And thank you again to AJ, for being you.


And thank you, for listening to me whine today. Sometimes, you just need to vent :)

MENTIONED: Baltic Amber Teething Necklace, Buddhism For Mothers of Young Children

HAVE A SUNSHINE DAY!

"When you do things from your soul,
you feel a river moving in you,"
a joy"
~I don't remember who I heard this from :(

Rhythms of Nature (Summer Solstice, E.C., Lunar Gardening, Seasonal Eating)

Today is a very important day historically, globally and seasonally. It is Summer Solstice! Many cultures have celebrations surrounding the longest day of the year and I myself had wanted to throw a Solstice Soiree this year, but alas, another plan that went un-follow-through'd :(

Summer Solstice is the day of the year (almost always on June 20 or 21 in the Northern Hemisphere) when the sun stays in our sky longer than any other day of the year. It is a great day to charge your spirit, get reconnected to the planet, and appreciate the come and go effects of this giant burning star. The sun and the moon effect the tides, sap flow and personalities. We are all connected to the rhythms of nature.

There are really great traditions worldwide surrounding Summer Solstice. The energy of the solstice is a powerful one, with the ability to catapult change and encourage motivation today, with its power slowly waning until the Winter Solstice. Any new ventures or creative ideas should be set into motion today.

I personally plan to finish planting the last of my seeds and plants (still have a few marigolds left to bury in some dirt from the Heirloom Seed Festival that I wrote about a few blogs ago...) as well as take a dip in the lake at Muzzie and Papas house later on. To keep up with today's launch, the weather is a soaring 100 degrees, with no breeze. Adelaide was awake for 8 hours before I finally just got her down for a nap...poor thing was probably overheated :( I let her play nakey most of the morning and afternoon to help keep cool.

On her potty seat at 4 months old

Actually, at home she goes naked or at least diaperless more often than not. We practice E.C. (Elimination Communication) and it helps to catch any cues she might give while in the buff. When out and about (or when I'm being a lazy, busy Mama) she wears cloth, bamboo or hemp diapers. I really recommend the website http://www.diaperfreebaby.org/ and the book Diaper Free by Ingrid Bauer to anyone interested in going diaperless or at least trying to potty train earlier.

Ada sitting on her makeshift potty at 3.5 months old

I learned several years ago about something called Lunar Gardening in the book Cultivating Delight by Diane Ackerman (a gift from my sister!). As mentioned before, the sun and moon effect tides, sap flow and personalities. The time of the month has a direct relationship with the results of the seeds that you plant. I believe that the average package of seeds has a 50% germination rate, but by using the logic of Lunar Gardening combined with the planting methods described in Anastasia by Vladimir Megre, you are sure to have a great crop of nutrient-rich, abundantly growing edibles that will be good for your garden and your body.

Feeling so independent on her potty at 5 months

Really enjoying her potty at 7 month

One nice thing about growing your own food is the innate benefits of eating what is in season. For example, the root vegetables and dark leafy veg that are harvested late in the fall are perfect for warming the body and grounding you for the upcoming winter. In contrast, the light peppers, tomatoes, peas, beans, and fruit (climbing/vertical plants) are great for cooling you down and calming your spirit to prepare to handle the heat ahead. Even if you can't grow your own food, keep this in mind when you are at the market and need to decide what food to put into your basket...1) focus on the produce section and 2) ask the produce worker what is local and in season and go with that!

Encouragement from Daddy at 8 months

Speaking of food, in 2 days I will have been on a raw foods diet for 1 month. I feel incredible! I've released 14 pounds of toxins and junk My rash/athletes foot on my right pinky toe is healing itself after 10 months of itching something awful. My cravings have ceased, for the most part (read blog It Is Time!). My energy is constant and level. My mental focus and clarity is on point and my emotions are relatively even keeled. My skin is still in the process of working out any blemishes and my body odor has improved the past several weeks. I REALLY need to get a colonic! (Refer to Resolution List from previous blog.) If I would just allow the toxins to come out through the colon hydrotherapy, then they wouldn't have to try and work their way our through my face in the form of acne or through other pores on my body in the form of smelly b.o. I really want to get one done so badly. I feel like it would do me such good! I read a great story of Shazzies first colonic experience recently and her account of it seemed so enjoyable and efficient! (http://shazzie.com)

So, on this special, beautiful, and joyous day, go dig in some dirt, go hug your kids, go eat a salad, go love up on your animals, and go thank Mother Earth for this amazing nature clock that ticks about time.

MENTIONED: Heirloom Seed Festival, Phases of the Moon, http://www.diaperfreebaby.org/, Diaper Free, Cultivating Delight, Anastasia, http://shazzie.com

Have A Sunshine Day!

"To effectively communicate,

we must realize that we are all different

in the way we perceive the world

and use this understanding as a guide

to our communication with others"
~Tony Robbins

Dads. Desserts. Dresses.

Yesterday was filled with love and bliss and lots of Daddy's.

Adelaide Freelove and I arose with the birds and ran to the market as soon as they opened to grab the final ingredient needed for the Fathers Day cake we've been planning for all week. Unfortunately, every batch of blackberries had white fuzzy mold on it. Blah. I grabbed two boxes of strawberries (not organic...blah) and off we went.

Raw Strawberry Cheesecake

(Inspired by Mimi Kirk, but my own recipe)

Dee Wilcox, June 2012

Cacao Beans, Walnuts, Pecans

CRUST INGREDIENTS

1 Cup        Walnuts

1 Cup         Pecans

1/3 Cup     Cacao Beans (or nibs)

3 Tbsp       Cacao Powder

Pinch          Sea Salt

1/8 tsp       Vanilla Powder

5                Medjool Dates (soaked until soft)

 DIRECTIONS


~Grind Cacao Beans in food processor until small pieces.
~Add Walnuts and Pecans and pulse until everything is broken down.
~Add the Cacao Powder, Sea Salt and Vanilla Powder while pulsing.
~Add pitted dates, one at a time, while still pulsing.




Once the mix holds a shape it is ready.

Use a lined circular pan or a springform pan.
I apparently felt it necessary to use both?

BERRY SYRUP & TOPPING INGREDIENTS

4 Cups Strawberries 

DIRECTIONS

~Puree 3 Cups Strawberries and set aside

~Slice the other cup into thin pieces.

~Layer the crust with sliced Strawberries.

~Reserve leftover for later.

Rinse the nuts as well as you can.
Get your hand in there and swirl it around
until they're not slimy anymore!

 CHEESE CAKE INGREDIENTS

2 Cups     Cashews (soaked overnight)

1 Cup      Pine Nuts (soaked 3 hours)

2 Cups    Creamy Almond Milk (yesterdays blog)

1/2          Lemon Juice

1/3 Cup   Agave

Pinch      Sea Salt

1/4 tsp    Vanilla Powder

1 Cup + 2 Tbsp Coconut Oil

I will be writing a blog about Coconut Oil soon! Amazing stuff ...

1/4 Cup Soy Lecithin (or Irish Moss Gel)

DIRECTIONS

~Blend Cashews, Pine Nuts, Creamy Almond Milk, Lemon Juice, Agave, Sea Salt and Vanilla Powder in food processor.

~Slowly add melted Coconut Oil while running.

~Pulse in Soy Lecithin.

 MAPLE CREAM TOPPING DIRECTIONS


~Remove 1/3 of the mixture and add 2 Tbsp Maple Syrup in a bowl.

Pretty Pink Strawberry Layer

COLORED LAYER DIRECTIONS

~Pour all but 1 Cup Strawberry Syrup into mixture.

~Pour 1/2 pink mixture onto crust.

~Freeze 20 minutes.

~Remove from freezer and drizzle 3 Tbsp Maple Syrup on top.

 ~Pour 1 Cup Strawberry Syrup around edges of pan for more of the layered look.

~Freeze 20 minutes.

~Remove from freezer.


 ~Pour the rest of the Strawberry Layer on top.

I sprinkled some (frozen) wild blueberries that AJ and I hand-picked in Goshen, Vermont last summer (the event which started my labor!!)

~Cover with Maple Topping.

Upon arrival at the party, I decorated the top

~Decorate the top with the last of the Strawberry Syrup,
Sliced Strawberries and I threw in a few more wild blueberries

Remove from freezer ~30 minutes
before slicing and serving.

.

So proud :)

So, that was my big recipe for the day! I also brought Califlower to make Raw Mashed Califlour with and Raw Sweet Potato Wraps and made a batch of fresh sprout guac to dip it into. Muzzie made a big ass salad. Everyone else had plenty of cooked, vegan and nonvegan food, and I enjoyed all of my raw options. Actually, everyone tried and enjoyed my raw menu items!

We had a really nice time with our family. Besides the small guest list I already mentioned, my dad's little brother joined us as well. My Uncle Donny is deaf. He was born deaf. It is due to a Rh- complication. Grammy had many Rh- problems with her pregnancies, and back then there wasn't too much knowledge about options yet. (Much more on this another time, as I also have Rh blood, and I have learned lots about it!) Uncle Donny is so special to our whole family. He is such a genuine person. Such a kind man. I was taught a little bit of sign language growing up (I wish more) and I am eager to teach Ada sign as well!  She and Uncle Donny seem to have an unspeakable bond. I swear she remembers him talking to her in my belly. Whenever he talks to her now she gets attentive and I can see her looking in to his soul. It warms my heart. Uncle Donny has a black lab named Buddy who we call Buda whom Adelaide just loves as well! We now have Buda 1 and Buddha 2.

We didn't end up going swimming yesterday, but it was a gorgeous afternoon filled with bike rides, grass stains and singalongs.

Adelaide wore a super cute dress from my girlfriend in honor of Fathers Day. She looked adorable, as usual, and was able to crawl around just fine, so she didn't seem to mind the dress as much as she has in the past.  Actually, between wearing dresses and crawling around outside (sometimes on cement sidewalks) she has learned to crawl on her hands and feet, with her knees and bottom in the air like a little monkey.

We didn't get home until 830, and after the busy day we had Ada was so over tired that she wouldn't fall asleep until nearly 11pm. Today's naps have been a reflection of yesterdays exhaustion...hopefully she'll get back on track soon, for her own sake! It was such a lovely weekend and a nice Father's Day. We are so grateful for the men in our lives...

I am grateful for my cats too, who just helped me to corral a giant fly through my house and out my living room window! Success! Another unwanted critter removed without any harm! Whew.

MENTIONED: Mimi Kirk

Have A Sunshine Day

"To our children, we give two things;

One is roots, the other is wings"

~Author Unknown