DeeDreamsInColors: Detox: The Good. The Bad. The Smelly.

So, the cravings have returned. With a vengeance.

This is actually a picture of my Spicy Mac'n'Chz,
a favorite recipe I created and ate bi-monthly,
until I went raw almost 2 months ago.

AJ made macaroni and cheese last night (my ABSOLUTE favorite food in the entire world...I could write a whole blog about why I love it so) and I almost dove into the pan of that gooey yummyness on the stove..seriously, head first.

I stared at my GIANT salad, as if the fact that it's seriously huge is gonna make up for its lack of cheese and mush and warmth, and said out loud in a convincing manner "This looks soooo yummy. Who wants plain yellow when you can have all this color?!"

I do.

I ate my salad. I really enjoyed my salad. Yes, all of those colors and textures and flavors DO make up for missing out on my classic comfort food. Can it really be so?

I got filled up really quickly too. And didn't need to snack for the rest of the night. I felt satisfied. But that is only half of it...The mental/emotional part is kicking my ass. I struggle with every snack and every meal. When I get hungry I go stare at the fridge with the door open for way too long (shhh, don't tell my fiance) and then do the same with the freezer. And then again with the nut'n'seed shelf. And I don't even bother with the pantry anymore because there is nothing in there for the raw folk, except oils and braggs. The stare-down is not a fun game and I always end up with the same things in a pinch; a handful of nuts or seeds, a piece of fruit, or avocado spread onto something. (Obviously from other blogs of mine you can tell that I DO in fact put time and effort into my food, but not usually when on the go during the day with Adelaide on my hip.)

In all honesty, being a Mama now, I really don't ever eat actual "meals" unless I am visiting my Grammy and Gramps, and even then I have a wiggling tired baby on my lap more often than not, so it's more picking than eating. This being the case, when I DO get the chance to put food into my mouth something keeps asking me, don't you want that food to actually be of use to you?

My personal answer: Yes. Absolutely.

But I realize this is NOT for everyone. This is not for the faint of heart. This is not easy. (Refer to my blog, It Is Time.)It has moments when it feels seamless and I sense little bouts of vibrations. But then there are moments when I want, I need, and literally claw at macaroni and cheese. This is what I am now referring to the emotional detox. I am really finding out some interesting things about myself, that I am not yet ready to share, but it's humbling for sure. Thus, emotional detox.

Then there's the physical detox....YUCK!

Cute, but stinky, Oscar the Grouch.

I know I mentioned in a previous blog (Rhythms of Nature) how I was feeling great and healing beautifully. Well, that was true. But so is this:

not. any. more.

My body is doing another round of deep self cleaning. And it has to come out somehow. And it's not very pretty :( It is actually quite embarrassing. I feel fortunate that most days I don't HAVE to go anywhere if I don't want to...of if I just smell too bad to be seen in public without being mistaken for Oscar the Grouch emerging from his garbage can. And I'm showering. (When I can.) And within minutes of showering, and scrubbing my body, I feel I am stinky again...and it's definitely not just in my head. Waaaahhh!

It's isolating. It's annoying. It's embarrassing.

But mostly, it's eye-opening. Seriously. Those are toxins coming out. TOXINS! Built up crap in my body from nearly 28 years of food and lifestyle choices. Yes, I haven't consumed meat in 15 years, or any animal products in almost 9, but I've still eaten my fair share of unhealthy, processed, white (or yellow) food, and made some pretty unhealthy lifestyle choices from smoking ciggarettes, to drinking alcohol, to wearing makeup, sprays and body products, to taking perscribed medicateions for years, that have all left residue behind that is still lingering inside of me. And causing me to smell....

And break out.

And smell.

And get canker sores.

And get lots of eye crusties in the morning.

And smell.

And go the the bathroom a lot.

And have your internal body clock get all off whack (I'm sure Ada's current sleeping pattern isn't helping this either).

And smell.

The list of things I've noticed happening to my body the past month-and-a-half is growing and growing. I won't bore (disgust) you with the details, but the takeaway should be this... "BETTER OUT THAN IN"!

And dammmmmn, get that girl a colonic!! (Seriously, HAS to happen! Refer to my blog, Resolution Accomplished and Rhythms of Nature)

In full disclosure, I also was noticing bruising all over my body, overnight. It was the strangest thing. I never bruise. Like never, even when you'd think Ouch, that'll leave a mark, nope no bruise. I noticed this about 2 weeks ago. Dark purple bruises, some of them very large, on my thighs, stomach, shoulders and right hip. This happened around 2 weeks after my FIRST period in 18 months. Could that be it? Did I just release a lot of blood and my body is now adjusting or regulating? Am I not eating enough leafy greens and sprouts? (Surely my handful-of-this-or-that throughout the day snacking method isn't as well-rounded as it should be.) All of my thoughts went to iron, and how I must not be getting enough. Upon having a discussion with a friend about her thoughts on this matter, I promised myself I would make more of an effort to be sure I eat all the nutrients I KNOW I need, no matter how busy I am with Baby Bu.

This is easier said than done. But I have really been trying to be better to myself. Making sure I take our walks (and not put it off all day so I can go with AJ, knowing AJ wont wanna go once he gets home or in the morning...), and have at least one big vegjuice every day, and getting the sleep I need (hahaa yeah right!) to heal.

Our bodies detox and cleanse during the night. That is why you shouldn't wear socks on your feet in your sleep, you want the toxins to be able to work out without interference. Feet are the #1 source of toxin removal (besides bowel movements, and general sweat) and are also a sign of good health. (Perhaps what caused the athletes foot 10 months ago?) Earthing is an excellent book about this topic. That is also why you have eye crusties in the morning...your eyes are removing crap from the day before and depositing it in the corners and near your tear ducts. You also might have tear streaks in the morning...your eyes were doing an extra flush in your sleep. Pretty cool, huh?!

But, in order for our bodies to achieve this nightly routine to the best of its ability, it must be in tip top shape, or at least have the right amount of nutrients and minerals. I know this stuff. I love this stuff. I breath this stuff. I apply this stuff to my life as best as I can. (Read: I fail a lot!) And for the days that I am not as best as I can be, I know that the prenatal vitamin I've been taking for 18 months is gonna help to make up for the slack. Along with the Chlorella water I drink daily. And even when I am 100% on top of my game and being really good to myself, detox is still gonna happen. All of it: the good, the bad, and the smelly.

I am loving this detox.

I am hating this detox.

I am appreciating this detox and the good it is creating in my body and mind (evidently not yet, but eventually!)

On the plus side: I feel really good, ironically. I have energy to keep up somehow. (I think love fuels you!) I have released 17 pounds of toxins. (That also fuels me!) My mental clarity is really evident now and the vibrations I referred to almost 2 weeks ago, (again, Rhythms of Nature,) are so prominent. It's hard to describe. I have to describe it kind of like a sixth sense, but not in a material way, more a metaphysical way that feels the connection of energy. Like, when standing outside in the fresh air, or standing with the sun shining on me, or being surrounded by woods, or standing barefoot on the grass, I feel my heart opening and my nerves tingling and I get this mental picture of my mind turning into an opening lotus, ready to accept the truth. I know how this must sound, (after all, I did have to find the words to use to describe it), but no matter how new-agey it may seem, I feel energy and oneness and it only motivates me more. It reminds me of the awesome documentary I mention a lot on here, I AM (trailer below), which is also what partially led me to go on this raw detox.

The detox, I remind you, was supposed to be at least one month. Every time I see Grammy it's "Oh Beany, when are you going to start eating food again?" as if not cooking my food makes it not food any longer. (I beg to differ the opposition!) I find myself approaching the two month mark with no desire for an end yet. If anything, I feel more and more the curiosity if I have it in me to continue.

Why?! you might ask? After this second round of detox and all of the lovely symptoms I am experiencing because of it? And all the emotional turmoil it puts me through to fight off my urges for macaroni and cheese, and grilled cheese, and tofu scrambles (also with cheese)? My answer is this:

*With the next level of clean, comes the next round of detox.*

And the smell goes away eventually :)

This blog is my journalings through my journey to becoming clean, green and soulful. Every blog has been snapshots of my life and what I am learning and discovering and feeling along my way. So, even if the raw detox eventually fades out of my life (funny, that thought just made me sad to think about...), I am still applying healthy, environmental, conscious, social, spiritual and natural aspects to my life in every way that I can. For me it is worth it. It's always worth it. It is my life. It is fun for me. I am embracing my destiny and loving and laughing and learning along the way. And writing...

Thank you for your interest in my journey. I hope you are learning something too!

And I hope you are enjoying the adorable pictures of my baby girl...
I'm not a proud Mama or anything :)

And may I remind you, for your own ease of enjoyment, feel free to subscribe to my blogs by email, in the box on the top of the page. Thanks!

And hopefully next time I'll have better news to report on the stink factor...