Please, Do Not Judge Me.

I am not a judgmental person. But I must admit that before I became a mama I had absolutely no idea what being a mother really meant. I never judged a mother, but I also never really fully understood her world. Before becoming a stay at home mama, I never understood that either. I Used to have a lot of presumptions about what they must do while they were home "playing" with their children. I certainly didn't think that they had an easy life, but I definitely did not understand the entirety of their daily universe.

I now have a much better grasp of motherhood, staying at home with my children, and doing my absolute best to keep my home has happy, clean, healthy, and positive as possible. Motherhood has enlightened me as a person. I now have so much respect. Respect for stay-at-home moms, working moms, work-from-home-moms, nannies, daycare providers, and all the involved and amazing dads and guardians who are doing their damnedest as well.

I will admit that there is almost always a basket of laundry that needs to be folded, some dishes in the sink, recycling that needs to be brought to the outside bin, words exchanged that I regretted as soon as they were leaving my lips, and lessons learned after the fact. But I also can say that my children are happy, I have a roof over my head, a supportive, hardworking partner by my side, and we are all in good health despite this being a very stressful winter and cold season.

I will not act like I know what it's like to be in anyone else's shoes. I do not know you, your family, your choices or your reasons. I respect you for being true to you, whatever that may be. I only ask for the same respect in return. Will I occasionally complain? Yes. Will I occasionally get frustrated? Yes. Will I occasionally wonder what if...? Yes. But would I change anything? No. Not for the world.

I love my life. I have made my choices and I stand by them. I am not perfect by any means. I will continue to make mistakes. But I will learn. Everyday. And I will always be respectful. And I will never judge.

So, to the person who told me I was a "terrible mother" at the gas station all because of a regrettable 45-second encounter, I do not judge you. To my finance's coworker who said that their "wife is a stay at home mom and always keeps the house spotless with a smile on her face," I do not judge you. To the cashier at the market who rolls her eyes and treats me like trash when I stroll up with my baby nursing in the Ergo and my toddler standing and singing inside the cart where you're not supposed to put kids, I say I do not judge you. To the mother at playgroup who gossips about the paint on my family's clothes and the dirt under our nails meaning that we are dirty and not just creative and in love with nature, I do not judge you. To my friends and family who make different choices than me fundamentally, dietarily, ethically, sexually, spiritually, educationally, professionally and socially, I say I don't judge you.

Please do not judge me.

Earth Heart Cloth Napkins by Dee's Goods

It has been over a year since I've been able to blog. I have so much I want to talk about and so much that I would like to share, and I promise to get back into it.

But for now, let me introduce you to my newest venture:

Dee's Goods

And for our first order of business:

Earth Heart Cloth Napkins

These cloth napkins are

reusable

affordable

eco-friendly

economical

double-sided

perfect size

100% cotton

pre-washed

unique

beautiful

There are no others like it out there. I hand make each napkin to order. They are made with love and joy, with visions of fun, family, friends and delicious food stitched into each napkin. They are so versatile and absorbent and lovely to use.

There's a certain charm about using cloth napkins, especially when they are as pretty and convenient  and durable as these are. Pack them in lunch bags, toss them in diaper bags, keep some in the car, use them for casual breakfasts, tea parties, elegant dinners, or to wipe your face with while watching late night movies with buttery popcorn.

They are designed to replace your average paper napkin, being roughly the same size as one, but without the waste. They are light weight but strong and are sewn with the utmost care and concern for quality. I will replace or mend any that are not to your satisfaction.

Completely one-of-a-kind and available in a variety of gorgeous fabrics. These napkins measure 10"x10" and are $3 each, and if you order more than 6 they are discounted to $2.50 each. Buy someone a nice bundle of 8 for the holidays for only $20! What a great gift! Neatly tied together in an earthy presentation makes them good to go for a perfect present.

Feel free to contact me for more information in the comments or by email at DeeWilcox84@yahoo.com

Thank you for your business!
:)

Left: Dinner plate

Right: Appetizer plate

Below:

Different and reversible napkin folds

                              

 

                              

 

 This particularly chilly evening I brought my sewing machine out by the fire and stayed warm and cozy while working on two sets of napkins going out for a raffle for 

The Sustainable Farm School

I hope those two winning families enjoy using their

Earth Heart Cloth Napkins

as much as I enjoyed making them!

Cooked Food, Confessions and Delicious Raw Recipes

   

Mmmmmmm!

Cooked food has re-entered my life.

There, I said it.


Whew.


Since July 4 I have had about a dozen meals that have included cooked food to some degree, including but not limited to...












This mouth-watering, moist, decadent Gluten Free Vegan Brownie hours-old by G Mokey Mobile was one of the first things I enjoyed. I literally moaned when eating it. I bought it from the Monkey while it was parked at the Durham Farmers Market.

I also got a decaf coffee.
This was my fourth cup of decaf since giving it up
this past New Years (See Resolution Accomplished).

Then there was this creamy and crunchy Garbanzo Bean and Artichoke Sandwich by Brew Bakers where we went on a family outing for breakfast last week. We actually went twice last week because they were that good.

And a fresh pumpernickle bagel with cold and tasty Better than Cream Cheese slathered inside, which I thuroughly enjoyed while driving home from Whole Foods Market.


In all honesty, as good as the cooked food has been, after eating I feel like crap...heavy, tired, too full, and fuzzy-brained. It has also affected my regularity that had gotten so under control with all the juicing I was doing.

I have still been raw, but not 100%. I don't know where my will power went these past few weeks, but I have no excuse for myself. I also know that I don't need to explain myself to anyone, but I feel the guilt internally regardless of who I share this with...I have fallen off of the wagon and need to get back on for the sake of my own health...

Just like how I had smoked some cigarettes since Adelaide was born, and then stopped doing that after a few months as well. (Gulp.) I miss smoking. I smoked for 10 years and quit once I found out I was pregnant. (Truth be told, it took me 1 week after finding out I was pregnant to actually have my last cigarette.) I do NOT judge anyone's parenting choices. Period. Any when it comes to smoking I certainly sympathize with the Mama's who simply cannot quit smoking. I get it. I really do. It was soooo difficult for me. And even after I was used to not smoking anymore, I still had the cravings. Even now I still get cravings. Once you are addicted, the desire is always within you (well, with me at  least,) and there were dozens of times I remember parking my pregnant ass in front of the convienient store and contemplated buying "just one pack, for just one cigarette, just this once..." But somehow I NEVER caved. Ever. I did have two cigarettes in one day when I was about five months along. Just that one day though. And just those two cigarettes. The internal guilt I felt was as if I was snorting crack and eating raw animal flesh!! But despite that one days episode, I managed to overpower the cravings with my own desire to be clean and in the best shape to deliver naturally (and of course all of the other reasons that we all know why one shouldn't smoke when pregnant. But today's blog isn't about smoking, nor do I want to lecture about this topic, so I won't get into that!) Lesson: Don't start if you haven't yet, and quit as soon as you can.

But back to cooked food...

It's been delicious, but has it been worth it? I don't know. Like I said, I've enjoyed about a dozen cooked items in nearly three weeks. However, I have also been UN-cooking up a storm to try and intice myself with some yummy raw meals too. I have had lots of interest from Facebook and Instagram friends for certain recipes I've been making, so without any further ado:

**Dee's Raw Zen Shake**

**Raw Cheezy Dino Kale Chips**

**Raw Summer Parfait**

ZEN: enlightenment can be attained through
meditation, self-contemplation, and intuition

Dee's Raw Zen Shake
Dee Wilcox, July 2012

INGREDIENTS:

3 frozen bananas

1 tsp chia seed

1 tsp hemp seed

1 tsp sesame seed

1 tsp cacao powder

1 tsp maca powder

My sister and I enjoying a Zen Shake together
one particularly fun and relaxing day

1 tsp sunflower lecithin

1 Tbsp homemade almond butter

DIRECTIONS:

~Remove 3 peeled frozen bananas from freezer

~Break in half and place into food processer (OR if you are lucky enough to own a Vitamix then I think you can just throw them in whole?)

~Get out the rest of the ingredients (should take a few minutes, enough time for the bananas to thaw just enough to not break the blades/burn the engine...again, if only I owned a Vitamix!)

~Add in all of the ingredients.

~Pulse until it breaks down the banana, then turn on to blend ingredients to make it thick and smooth.

~As always, taste for adjustments.

Raw Cheezy Dino Kale Chips

                          Dee Wilcox, January 2012

INGREDIENTS:

Several bunches of kale (I like Dino Kale best)
1 tsp curry powder
1 tsp turmeric
1 Tbsp Lecithin
1/4 tsp paprika
1/2 cup Nutritional Yeast
1/2 lemon juice
1 yellow/orange/red pepper
3 garlic cloves
1 cup raw cashews

DIRECTIONS:

~Soak cashews in water for a few hours

~Drain and rinse cashews

~Put all ingredients except kale into food processor (or Vitamix)






~Blend ingredients until thick and creamy and smooth.











~Add water, 1 tbsp at a time, if needed to thin out (you don't want it too hummus-y)

~Rip kale leaves from stalk into whatever size pieces you prefer ( I like them big)




~Wash kale thoroughly! (Being organic, I often find some little insect friends enjoying the kale as much as I do...I don't like to eat these bugs, therefore I forfeit some leaves.)






~Mix cheeze sauce with the just-washed kale leaves (it's okay if they are still damp)

~Coat the leaves with the cheeze sauce, using a spatula, tongs or your hands








~Lay on dehydrator trays and put in dehydrator with space in between each

~Dehydrate for 4 hours at 105 degrees









~ENJOY the cheezy, mouth-watering, crunchy, flavorful, healthy goodness!!!


~They disappear quickly, so if you intend on sharing them, only let yourself sample ONE...very hard to do!






Raw Summertime Parfait
Dee Wilcox, July 2012
Inspired by a recipe by Angela Stokes-Monarch


INGREDIENTS:


1 1/2 cup raw cashews
3/4 cup coconut milk
1 tsp vanilla powder
3 ripe bananas
3 ripe avocados
1/8 cup raw cacao powder
1/8 cup ground chia seeds
3 tbsp date paste (soaked dates blended into a paste)
2+ cups fresh berries (I used cherries and blueberries)
optional: coconut flakes, hemp seeds, etc...








DIRECTIONS:

~Soak cashews in bowl of water for a few hours


~Drain and rinse cashews




~Blend cashews, coconut milk and vanilla until smooth


~Put cream back into cashew bowl










~Scoop avocado and peel banana and cut into small pieces and put into food processor

(I didn't have dates to make date paste with so I used raw agave nectar this time.)

~Add date paste and cacao and chia and blend until smooth






~Layer the cream, pudding, fruit and hemp seeds as you like

The final product...
I liked the tang of the cherries against the calm coolness of the cashew cream
and the pudding was sweet and thick and yummy!

MY APOLOGIES FOR THE TERRIBLE AND CONFUSING FORMATTING TODAY.

I AM NORMALLY ANAL ABOUT PERFECTING IT BEFORE I PUBLISH A BLOG,

BUT LATELY I'VE BEEN HAVING MORE TROUBLE THAN USUAL WITH COMPUTERS,

AND ADJUSTING THE FORMATTING IS GIVING ME PROBLEMS!

SORRY!

MENTIONED: GMonkey Mobile, Durham Farmers Market, Brew Bakers, Better Than Cream Cheese, Whole Foods Market, Angela Stokes-Monarch, The Raw Food World

HAVE A SUNSHINE DAY!

"Try Not. Do. Or Do Not.

There Is No Try."

~Yoda

Before You: Honest. Revealing. Embarrassing.

Sooooo, this just happened....

And since the cat is already out of the bag to the most important people that I care to love  impress, tolerate, like me, then I feel the freedom to express the reality that is my life at this moment in time.

Life isn't easy. Just as you feel you've gotten a decent grip on your current reality, time goes by. And with time comes change. With change comes adjustments. Adjustments aren't easy. Especially if two people have to adjust to the same thing, in their own ways, but while doing it together. Adjustments can be wearing. Adjustments can be enlightening. Adjustments will most certainly bring to surface every other aspect of your life, ones you didn't even know were there, or were a problem before.

AJ and I are absolutely in love and are in a really great relationship. If you haven't noticed by the way I go on  for paragraphs about our life together and what he means to me and how I love all of his AJ ways...(I will shamelessly refer you to two of my favorite and more personal blogs about my family Cooling Off, Cooling Down, and Cardinals. Cats. Cards.). But truth be told, it ain't easy. And we've had a lot of recent adjustments. And we are adjusting. And that is it.

Sometimes you need to talk things out. Sometimes you need to yell things out (well, I do...) Sometimes you need to write things out. Sometimes a particular piece of art or music or nature or memory will come upon you at a most timely manner and it all seems to make sense. And you know that it will all be okay.

I had one of those moments tonight.

AJ gets out of work one hour early on Wednesdays to spend a little time with Adelaide and me before I nurse her to sleep, which the past few days has been around 830pm (omg, I can't believe it!!! Keeping my fingers crossed....Again, I have to refer to Cooling Off. Cooling Down.) . Tonight he got to play with her for about 25 minutes before she gave her signals and off we went to the bedroom to embark on our routine, with visions and hopes of peaceful slumber and quick calmness for our baby girl. (This doesn't seem to help one way or the other.) Tonight it took me about 30 minutes to get her asleep (in my arms, in the glider, nursing in front of the sound of the fan, as is our new routine since the fan introduction a few weeks back...) Then the transition to the bed happens. This usually leads to several more minutes of nursing as I slowly (or sometimes quickly) sneak my hands out from under and around her warm Buddha body. As I prepared to slip away from her dreaming grip (death grip)....well, I don't remember the rest.

I woke up next to Ada, on the other side though, with the same clothes on, car keys still in my pocket, and shes nursing herself in our sleep. Once she was done I groggily made my way out to the living room to find it was 1:30am and AJ was sound asleep on the couch with the TV on. My sappy, grumpy, morning-self reared her ugly head and I barked something at him and he went to bed.

My nook...the corner of the room where I do most
of my crafting, blogging, nurising, kitty-rubbing :)

I now sit here, on my old poang ,in my nook, alone, not even the cats for comfort. I've got late night NBC on low in the background, waiting for the news to come on, and despite wanting to delve back into book two of the 50 Shades time warp...I find myself aimlessly daydreaming and half-consciously trying not to think about what I am was upset about.

Hoda and Kathy Lee's tiny frames were both sunken into giant reclining lazy boys with beer in KLGandHODA koozies while donning team jerseys...something to do with man-things? A rerun from yesterday mornings show. They mentioned a study about the "manliest place in the U.S." based off of the amount of steakhouses, home depots, bars, and the least amount of salons, spas, and boutiques....I wanna go off about stereotyping but I'd rather focus on the situation at hand :) The "most manly" cities were in Alabama, South Carolina and Oklahoma.  A little while later I heard them mention that a Broadway actor that I like, who I think I've seen on their show in the past, just came out with a new song. I immediately checked it out and was so pleased with what I discovered!

It was just too perfect for my mood, my life, my relationship at this moment. I got all emotional and forwarded the video to AJ along with a little note about my feelings.

I accidentally forwarded it to his whole freaking family! Well, those whose phone numbers I have in my phone (mom, dad, brother, sister-in-law)!!!

I know I've said it before; I try to stay away from too much electronics and technology. I just like to be around nature more, and I feel that it grounds me. Pretty simple. Not much more to say about it than that.

Mind you...I like to go places and I am glad that I have a car to get to those places. I like the internet and I like that I have access to the internet. I enjoy the news and I feel lucky that I have a TV and a computer to get it from. I love being able to contact people and having a phone makes it a lot quicker than some other fashions. I realize that "electronics" are in my life in countless ways, and I'm not being ungrateful or naive, but I am just telling you that I like to be as unplugged as possible.

This being said, I have soooo much trouble with computers, especially in the form of these new smart phones! Don't get me wrong, I think they are super cool and I have a love-hate relationship with how much I use it's features. (It is a part of me that I've never known before; this new thrill I get by checking in and  the atonement I get by sharing more of my life). Problem is, my phone does wacky things. Especially when the memory card is full. ( I take a lot of pictures. A lot!)


Well, when sending AJ my honest and deep text message about our life and our love, my phone decided to send it to his family group instead of just him. (They are next to each other in my text lists.) When I realized this I nearly shit my pants. It wasn't mean or detailed, but I think it was telling that we are working through some things and even though I know that every couple has worked through ruts in their own way, I still don't want his parents ever worrying about AJ's happiness. Living many hours away from us in South Carolina, makes them especially hone in on the little that they get to see about our relationship...which honestly those handful of visits they've shared with us here and there throughout the course of the five-and-a-half years together were not always our most shining moments :(

But this? Oh dear. I swallowed hard, trying to push down the thought of the can of worms that I may have just opened in my mother-in-laws mind...

We are fine! We really are! It was just one of those things. And unfortunately they were let in on it. Oops.

My reason for sharing this story:

1) It's kind of funny, and sad, and is sooo the kind of thing that would happen to me!

2) It's relatable because every couple works through adjustments in their lives and will admit that it can be a struggle. For those who don't have problems or handle change with ease probably stopped reading already.

3) I was thinking of a way that I could share this beautiful song with my followers and the public anyway.

4) It had been a while since I blogged (actually I wrote a long, instructional blog last Monday, but the freaking thing deleted itself and it took me until tonight to calm down and come back on here).

5) I promised that I would be honest with my words. I am obviously keeping most of my life private, but every now and then, when something seems worthy of sharing for some reason, in hopes to humanize me, make others feel not alone and to clear my mind, I will share my story.

6) I can use this as way of clearing up any misunderstanding with his family...{I don't actually know if they read my blog or not.) We. Are. Happy. No reason for concern! :)

And now, for those of you just itching to see what all the hoopla is about...

My words, my heart:

Before You:



...I didn't know how fulfilling the feeling of having a partner would be


...I didn't know the full reality of loving someone, despite their isms, including their isms, all of them


...I didn't know what it was like living with anyone other than my parents and sister, the patterns, routines, comfort zones, familiar smells, precious pets and loving energy embedded into the fabric of the home and the stuff, all the emotional attachment to what is "ours" that makes up our life. (Home is Where the Heart Is)


~I didn't know the capacity to love the way your child loves her father to the degree that I do. It hits a part of me deep in my chest that warms my heart and brings me such peace. Its like a big sigh that cleanses my body and mind and heart.


...I didn't know how much your heart can actually ache when you see your love hurting in anyway, hiding from something, fighting for something or failing a personal goal...


...I didn't know how amazingly difficult it would be to marry your life with someone in a cohabbitating, loving partnership, with fights, and problems, and anger, and resentment, and our pasts.


Before You I was not complete. You complete me. I love you. This is tough. Our life isn't easy. Our love isn't perfect. We need some work. But I love you.


I just heard this song and it hit home <3

Cheyenne Jackson, "Before You"

I absolutely love this song. Cheyenne has a great voice and the melody is so catchy and the lyrics run deep and the video is humorous and it all captured the essence of overcoming hurdles in relationships. Beautiful. This song will no doubt become popular really quick, and I am doing my part to help spread it!

MENTIONED: 50 Shades of Grey, Poang, Cheyenne Jackson "Before You" Music Video

Have A Sunshine Day!

"All biologic phenomena act to adjust:

there are no biologic actions other than adjustments.

Adjustment is another name for Equilibrium.

Equilibrium is the Universal,

or that which has nothing external to derange it."

~Charles Fort

**UPDATE**

My phone being as wacky as it is, returned my text to me as "undeliverable"!! They never got the message...it was too long! Whew :)
I repeat, my phone is wacky!