My Journey to Becoming Clean, Green and Soulful.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Cooked Food, Confessions and Delicious Raw Recipes

   
Mmmmmmm!
Cooked food has re-entered my life.

There, I said it.


Whew.


Since July 4 I have had about a dozen meals that have included cooked food to some degree, including but not limited to...












This mouth-watering, moist, decadent Gluten Free Vegan Brownie hours-old by G Mokey Mobile was one of the first things I enjoyed. I literally moaned when eating it. I bought it from the Monkey while it was parked at the Durham Farmers Market.

I also got a decaf coffee.
This was my fourth cup of decaf since giving it up
this past New Years (See Resolution Accomplished).





Then there was this creamy and crunchy Garbanzo Bean and Artichoke Sandwich by Brew Bakers where we went on a family outing for breakfast last week. We actually went twice last week because they were that good.














And a fresh pumpernickle bagel with cold and tasty Better than Cream Cheese slathered inside, which I thuroughly enjoyed while driving home from Whole Foods Market.


In all honesty, as good as the cooked food has been, after eating I feel like crap...heavy, tired, too full, and fuzzy-brained. It has also affected my regularity that had gotten so under control with all the juicing I was doing.

I have still been raw, but not 100%. I don't know where my will power went these past few weeks, but I have no excuse for myself. I also know that I don't need to explain myself to anyone, but I feel the guilt internally regardless of who I share this with...I have fallen off of the wagon and need to get back on for the sake of my own health...

Just like how I had smoked some cigarettes since Adelaide was born, and then stopped doing that after a few months as well. (Gulp.) I miss smoking. I smoked for 10 years and quit once I found out I was pregnant. (Truth be told, it took me 1 week after finding out I was pregnant to actually have my last cigarette.) I do NOT judge anyone's parenting choices. Period. Any when it comes to smoking I certainly sympathize with the Mama's who simply cannot quit smoking. I get it. I really do. It was soooo difficult for me. And even after I was used to not smoking anymore, I still had the cravings. Even now I still get cravings. Once you are addicted, the desire is always within you (well, with me at  least,) and there were dozens of times I remember parking my pregnant ass in front of the convienient store and contemplated buying "just one pack, for just one cigarette, just this once..." But somehow I NEVER caved. Ever. I did have two cigarettes in one day when I was about five months along. Just that one day though. And just those two cigarettes. The internal guilt I felt was as if I was snorting crack and eating raw animal flesh!! But despite that one days episode, I managed to overpower the cravings with my own desire to be clean and in the best shape to deliver naturally (and of course all of the other reasons that we all know why one shouldn't smoke when pregnant. But today's blog isn't about smoking, nor do I want to lecture about this topic, so I won't get into that!) Lesson: Don't start if you haven't yet, and quit as soon as you can.

But back to cooked food...

It's been delicious, but has it been worth it? I don't know. Like I said, I've enjoyed about a dozen cooked items in nearly three weeks. However, I have also been UN-cooking up a storm to try and intice myself with some yummy raw meals too. I have had lots of interest from Facebook and Instagram friends for certain recipes I've been making, so without any further ado:

**Dee's Raw Zen Shake**
**Raw Cheezy Dino Kale Chips**
**Raw Summer Parfait**


ZEN: enlightenment can be attained through
meditation, self-contemplation, and intuition


Dee's Raw Zen Shake
Dee Wilcox, July 2012
INGREDIENTS:

3 frozen bananas
1 tsp chia seed
1 tsp hemp seed
1 tsp sesame seed
1 tsp cacao powder
1 tsp maca powder
My sister and I enjoying a Zen Shake together
one particularly fun and relaxing day
1 tsp sunflower lecithin
1 Tbsp homemade almond butter







DIRECTIONS:

~Remove 3 peeled frozen bananas from freezer
~Break in half and place into food processer (OR if you are lucky enough to own a Vitamix then I think you can just throw them in whole?)
~Get out the rest of the ingredients (should take a few minutes, enough time for the bananas to thaw just enough to not break the blades/burn the engine...again, if only I owned a Vitamix!)
~Add in all of the ingredients.
~Pulse until it breaks down the banana, then turn on to blend ingredients to make it thick and smooth.
~As always, taste for adjustments.
Raw Cheezy Dino Kale Chips
                          Dee Wilcox, January 2012

INGREDIENTS:

Several bunches of kale (I like Dino Kale best)
1 tsp curry powder
1 tsp turmeric
1 Tbsp Lecithin
1/4 tsp paprika
1/2 cup Nutritional Yeast
1/2 lemon juice
1 yellow/orange/red pepper
3 garlic cloves
1 cup raw cashews




DIRECTIONS:



~Soak cashews in water for a few hours
~Drain and rinse cashews




~Put all ingredients except kale into food processor (or Vitamix)






~Blend ingredients until thick and creamy and smooth.











~Add water, 1 tbsp at a time, if needed to thin out (you don't want it too hummus-y)










~Rip kale leaves from stalk into whatever size pieces you prefer ( I like them big)




~Wash kale thoroughly! (Being organic, I often find some little insect friends enjoying the kale as much as I do...I don't like to eat these bugs, therefore I forfeit some leaves.)






~Mix cheeze sauce with the just-washed kale leaves (it's okay if they are still damp)













~Coat the leaves with the cheeze sauce, using a spatula, tongs or your hands








~Lay on dehydrator trays and put in dehydrator with space in between each






~Dehydrate for 4 hours at 105 degrees









~ENJOY the cheezy, mouth-watering, crunchy, flavorful, healthy goodness!!!


~They disappear quickly, so if you intend on sharing them, only let yourself sample ONE...very hard to do!






Raw Summertime Parfait
Dee Wilcox, July 2012
Inspired by a recipe by Angela Stokes-Monarch


INGREDIENTS:


1 1/2 cup raw cashews
3/4 cup coconut milk
1 tsp vanilla powder
3 ripe bananas
3 ripe avocados
1/8 cup raw cacao powder
1/8 cup ground chia seeds
3 tbsp date paste (soaked dates blended into a paste)
2+ cups fresh berries (I used cherries and blueberries)
optional: coconut flakes, hemp seeds, etc...








DIRECTIONS:

~Soak cashews in bowl of water for a few hours


~Drain and rinse cashews




~Blend cashews, coconut milk and vanilla until smooth


~Put cream back into cashew bowl










~Scoop avocado and peel banana and cut into small pieces and put into food processor







(I didn't have dates to make date paste with so I used raw agave nectar this time.)














~Add date paste and cacao and chia and blend until smooth






~Layer the cream, pudding, fruit and hemp seeds as you like










The final product...
I liked the tang of the cherries against the calm coolness of the cashew cream
and the pudding was sweet and thick and yummy!


MY APOLOGIES FOR THE TERRIBLE AND CONFUSING FORMATTING TODAY.
I AM NORMALLY ANAL ABOUT PERFECTING IT BEFORE I PUBLISH A BLOG,

BUT LATELY I'VE BEEN HAVING MORE TROUBLE THAN USUAL WITH COMPUTERS,
AND ADJUSTING THE FORMATTING IS GIVING ME PROBLEMS!
SORRY!

MENTIONED: GMonkey Mobile, Durham Farmers Market, Brew Bakers, Better Than Cream Cheese, Whole Foods Market, Angela Stokes-Monarch, The Raw Food World


HAVE A SUNSHINE DAY!




"Try Not. Do. Or Do Not.
There Is No Try."
~Yoda

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Before You: Honest. Revealing. Embarrassing.

Sooooo, this just happened....

And since the cat is already out of the bag to the most important people that I care to love  impress, tolerate, like me, then I feel the freedom to express the reality that is my life at this moment in time.

Life isn't easy. Just as you feel you've gotten a decent grip on your current reality, time goes by. And with time comes change. With change comes adjustments. Adjustments aren't easy. Especially if two people have to adjust to the same thing, in their own ways, but while doing it together. Adjustments can be wearing. Adjustments can be enlightening. Adjustments will most certainly bring to surface every other aspect of your life, ones you didn't even know were there, or were a problem before.

AJ and I are absolutely in love and are in a really great relationship. If you haven't noticed by the way I go on  for paragraphs about our life together and what he means to me and how I love all of his AJ ways...(I will shamelessly refer you to two of my favorite and more personal blogs about my family Cooling Off, Cooling Down, and Cardinals. Cats. Cards.). But truth be told, it ain't easy. And we've had a lot of recent adjustments. And we are adjusting. And that is it.

Sometimes you need to talk things out. Sometimes you need to yell things out (well, I do...) Sometimes you need to write things out. Sometimes a particular piece of art or music or nature or memory will come upon you at a most timely manner and it all seems to make sense. And you know that it will all be okay.

I had one of those moments tonight.

AJ gets out of work one hour early on Wednesdays to spend a little time with Adelaide and me before I nurse her to sleep, which the past few days has been around 830pm (omg, I can't believe it!!! Keeping my fingers crossed....Again, I have to refer to Cooling Off. Cooling Down.) . Tonight he got to play with her for about 25 minutes before she gave her signals and off we went to the bedroom to embark on our routine, with visions and hopes of peaceful slumber and quick calmness for our baby girl. (This doesn't seem to help one way or the other.) Tonight it took me about 30 minutes to get her asleep (in my arms, in the glider, nursing in front of the sound of the fan, as is our new routine since the fan introduction a few weeks back...) Then the transition to the bed happens. This usually leads to several more minutes of nursing as I slowly (or sometimes quickly) sneak my hands out from under and around her warm Buddha body. As I prepared to slip away from her dreaming grip (death grip)....well, I don't remember the rest.

I woke up next to Ada, on the other side though, with the same clothes on, car keys still in my pocket, and shes nursing herself in our sleep. Once she was done I groggily made my way out to the living room to find it was 1:30am and AJ was sound asleep on the couch with the TV on. My sappy, grumpy, morning-self reared her ugly head and I barked something at him and he went to bed.

My nook...the corner of the room where I do most
of my crafting, blogging, nurising, kitty-rubbing :)
I now sit here, on my old poang ,in my nook, alone, not even the cats for comfort. I've got late night NBC on low in the background, waiting for the news to come on, and despite wanting to delve back into book two of the 50 Shades time warp...I find myself aimlessly daydreaming and half-consciously trying not to think about what I am was upset about.

Hoda and Kathy Lee's tiny frames were both sunken into giant reclining lazy boys with beer in KLGandHODA koozies while donning team jerseys...something to do with man-things? A rerun from yesterday mornings show. They mentioned a study about the "manliest place in the U.S." based off of the amount of steakhouses, home depots, bars, and the least amount of salons, spas, and boutiques....I wanna go off about stereotyping but I'd rather focus on the situation at hand :) The "most manly" cities were in Alabama, South Carolina and Oklahoma.  A little while later I heard them mention that a Broadway actor that I like, who I think I've seen on their show in the past, just came out with a new song. I immediately checked it out and was so pleased with what I discovered!

It was just too perfect for my mood, my life, my relationship at this moment. I got all emotional and forwarded the video to AJ along with a little note about my feelings.

I accidentally forwarded it to his whole freaking family! Well, those whose phone numbers I have in my phone (mom, dad, brother, sister-in-law)!!!

I know I've said it before; I try to stay away from too much electronics and technology. I just like to be around nature more, and I feel that it grounds me. Pretty simple. Not much more to say about it than that.

Mind you...I like to go places and I am glad that I have a car to get to those places. I like the internet and I like that I have access to the internet. I enjoy the news and I feel lucky that I have a TV and a computer to get it from. I love being able to contact people and having a phone makes it a lot quicker than some other fashions. I realize that "electronics" are in my life in countless ways, and I'm not being ungrateful or naive, but I am just telling you that I like to be as unplugged as possible.

This being said, I have soooo much trouble with computers, especially in the form of these new smart phones! Don't get me wrong, I think they are super cool and I have a love-hate relationship with how much I use it's features. (It is a part of me that I've never known before; this new thrill I get by checking in and  the atonement I get by sharing more of my life). Problem is, my phone does wacky things. Especially when the memory card is full. ( I take a lot of pictures. A lot!)


Well, when sending AJ my honest and deep text message about our life and our love, my phone decided to send it to his family group instead of just him. (They are next to each other in my text lists.) When I realized this I nearly shit my pants. It wasn't mean or detailed, but I think it was telling that we are working through some things and even though I know that every couple has worked through ruts in their own way, I still don't want his parents ever worrying about AJ's happiness. Living many hours away from us in South Carolina, makes them especially hone in on the little that they get to see about our relationship...which honestly those handful of visits they've shared with us here and there throughout the course of the five-and-a-half years together were not always our most shining moments :(

But this? Oh dear. I swallowed hard, trying to push down the thought of the can of worms that I may have just opened in my mother-in-laws mind...

We are fine! We really are! It was just one of those things. And unfortunately they were let in on it. Oops.

My reason for sharing this story:

1) It's kind of funny, and sad, and is sooo the kind of thing that would happen to me!

2) It's relatable because every couple works through adjustments in their lives and will admit that it can be a struggle. For those who don't have problems or handle change with ease probably stopped reading already.

3) I was thinking of a way that I could share this beautiful song with my followers and the public anyway.

4) It had been a while since I blogged (actually I wrote a long, instructional blog last Monday, but the freaking thing deleted itself and it took me until tonight to calm down and come back on here).

5) I promised that I would be honest with my words. I am obviously keeping most of my life private, but every now and then, when something seems worthy of sharing for some reason, in hopes to humanize me, make others feel not alone and to clear my mind, I will share my story.

6) I can use this as way of clearing up any misunderstanding with his family...{I don't actually know if they read my blog or not.) We. Are. Happy. No reason for concern! :)

And now, for those of you just itching to see what all the hoopla is about...

My words, my heart:

Before You:



...I didn't know how fulfilling the feeling of having a partner would be


...I didn't know the full reality of loving someone, despite their isms, including their isms, all of them


...I didn't know what it was like living with anyone other than my parents and sister, the patterns, routines, comfort zones, familiar smells, precious pets and loving energy embedded into the fabric of the home and the stuff, all the emotional attachment to what is "ours" that makes up our life. (Home is Where the Heart Is)


~I didn't know the capacity to love the way your child loves her father to the degree that I do. It hits a part of me deep in my chest that warms my heart and brings me such peace. Its like a big sigh that cleanses my body and mind and heart.


...I didn't know how much your heart can actually ache when you see your love hurting in anyway, hiding from something, fighting for something or failing a personal goal...


...I didn't know how amazingly difficult it would be to marry your life with someone in a cohabbitating, loving partnership, with fights, and problems, and anger, and resentment, and our pasts.


Before You I was not complete. You complete me. I love you. This is tough. Our life isn't easy. Our love isn't perfect. We need some work. But I love you.


I just heard this song and it hit home <3



Cheyenne Jackson, "Before You"

I absolutely love this song. Cheyenne has a great voice and the melody is so catchy and the lyrics run deep and the video is humorous and it all captured the essence of overcoming hurdles in relationships. Beautiful. This song will no doubt become popular really quick, and I am doing my part to help spread it!

MENTIONED: 50 Shades of Grey, Poang, Cheyenne Jackson "Before You" Music Video


Have A Sunshine Day!


"All biologic phenomena act to adjust:
there are no biologic actions other than adjustments.
Adjustment is another name for Equilibrium.
Equilibrium is the Universal,
or that which has nothing external to derange it."
~Charles Fort



**UPDATE**
My phone being as wacky as it is, returned my text to me as "undeliverable"!! They never got the message...it was too long! Whew :)
I repeat, my phone is wacky!

Monday, July 2, 2012

Detox: The Good. The Bad. The Smelly.

So, the cravings have returned. With a vengeance.

This is actually a picture of my Spicy Mac'n'Chz,
a favorite recipe I created and ate bi-monthly,
until I went raw almost 2 months ago.
AJ made macaroni and cheese last night (my ABSOLUTE favorite food in the entire world...I could write a whole blog about why I love it so) and I almost dove into the pan of that gooey yummyness on the stove..seriously, head first.

I stared at my GIANT salad, as if the fact that it's seriously huge is gonna make up for its lack of cheese and mush and warmth, and said out loud in a convincing manner "This looks soooo yummy. Who wants plain yellow when you can have all this color?!"


I do.


I ate my salad. I really enjoyed my salad. Yes, all of those colors and textures and flavors DO make up for missing out on my classic comfort food. Can it really be so?


I got filled up really quickly too. And didn't need to snack for the rest of the night. I felt satisfied. But that is only half of it...The mental/emotional part is kicking my ass. I struggle with every snack and every meal. When I get hungry I go stare at the fridge with the door open for way too long (shhh, don't tell my fiance) and then do the same with the freezer. And then again with the nut'n'seed shelf. And I don't even bother with the pantry anymore because there is nothing in there for the raw folk, except oils and braggs. The stare-down is not a fun game and I always end up with the same things in a pinch; a handful of nuts or seeds, a piece of fruit, or avocado spread onto something. (Obviously from other blogs of mine you can tell that I DO in fact put time and effort into my food, but not usually when on the go during the day with Adelaide on my hip.)

In all honesty, being a Mama now, I really don't ever eat actual "meals" unless I am visiting my Grammy and Gramps, and even then I have a wiggling tired baby on my lap more often than not, so it's more picking than eating. This being the case, when I DO get the chance to put food into my mouth something keeps asking me, don't you want that food to actually be of use to you?

My personal answer: Yes. Absolutely.

But I realize this is NOT for everyone. This is not for the faint of heart. This is not easy. (Refer to my blog, It Is Time.)It has moments when it feels seamless and I sense little bouts of vibrations. But then there are moments when I want, I need, and literally claw at macaroni and cheese. This is what I am now referring to the emotional detox. I am really finding out some interesting things about myself, that I am not yet ready to share, but it's humbling for sure. Thus, emotional detox.

Then there's the physical detox....YUCK!
Cute, but stinky, Oscar the Grouch.


I know I mentioned in a previous blog (Rhythms of Nature) how I was feeling great and healing beautifully. Well, that was true. But so is this:

not. any. more.

My body is doing another round of deep self cleaning. And it has to come out somehow. And it's not very pretty :( It is actually quite embarrassing. I feel fortunate that most days I don't HAVE to go anywhere if I don't want to...of if I just smell too bad to be seen in public without being mistaken for Oscar the Grouch emerging from his garbage can. And I'm showering. (When I can.) And within minutes of showering, and scrubbing my body, I feel I am stinky again...and it's definitely not just in my head. Waaaahhh!


It's isolating. It's annoying. It's embarrassing.

But mostly, it's eye-opening. Seriously. Those are toxins coming out. TOXINS! Built up crap in my body from nearly 28 years of food and lifestyle choices. Yes, I haven't consumed meat in 15 years, or any animal products in almost 9, but I've still eaten my fair share of unhealthy, processed, white (or yellow) food, and made some pretty unhealthy lifestyle choices from smoking ciggarettes, to drinking alcohol, to wearing makeup, sprays and body products,  to taking perscribed medicateions for years, that have all left residue behind that is still lingering inside of me. And causing me to smell....

And break out.

And smell.

And get canker sores.

And get lots of eye crusties in the morning.

And smell.

And go the the bathroom a lot.

And have your internal body clock get all off whack (I'm sure Ada's current sleeping pattern isn't helping this either).


And smell.

The list of things I've noticed happening to my body the past month-and-a-half is growing and growing. I won't bore (disgust) you with the details, but the takeaway should be this... "BETTER OUT THAN IN"!

And dammmmmn, get that girl a colonic!! (Seriously, HAS to happen! Refer to my blog, Resolution Accomplished and Rhythms of Nature)


In full disclosure, I also was noticing bruising all over my body, overnight. It was the strangest thing. I never bruise. Like never, even when you'd think Ouch, that'll leave a mark, nope no bruise. I noticed this about 2 weeks ago. Dark purple bruises, some of them very large, on my thighs, stomach, shoulders and right hip. This happened around 2 weeks after my FIRST period in 18 months. Could that be it? Did I just release a lot of blood and my body is now adjusting or regulating? Am I not eating enough leafy greens and sprouts? (Surely my handful-of-this-or-that throughout the day snacking method isn't as well-rounded as it should be.) All of my thoughts went to iron, and how I must not be getting enough. Upon having a discussion with a friend about her thoughts on this matter, I promised myself I would make more of an effort to be sure I eat all the nutrients I KNOW I need, no matter how busy I am with Baby Bu.

This is easier said than done. But I have really been trying to be better to myself. Making sure I take our walks (and not put it off all day so I can go with AJ, knowing AJ wont wanna go once he gets home or in the morning...), and have at least one big vegjuice every day, and getting the sleep I need (hahaa yeah right!) to heal.

Our bodies detox and cleanse during the night. That is why you shouldn't wear socks on your feet in your sleep, you want the toxins to be able to work out without interference. Feet are the #1 source of toxin removal (besides bowel movements, and general sweat) and are also a sign of good health. (Perhaps what caused the athletes foot 10 months ago?) Earthing is an excellent book about this topic. That is also why you have eye crusties in the morning...your eyes are removing crap from the day before and depositing it in the corners and near your tear ducts. You also might have tear streaks in the morning...your eyes were doing an extra flush in your sleep. Pretty cool, huh?!

But, in order for our bodies to achieve this nightly routine to the best of its ability, it must be in tip top shape, or at least have the right amount of nutrients and minerals. I know this stuff. I love this stuff. I breath this stuff. I apply this stuff to my life as best as I can. (Read: I fail a lot!) And for the days that I am not as best as I can be, I know that the prenatal vitamin I've been taking for 18 months is gonna help to make up for the slack. Along with the Chlorella water I drink daily. And even when I am 100% on top of my game and being really good to myself, detox is still gonna happen. All of it: the good, the bad, and the smelly.

I am loving this detox.

I am hating this detox.

I am appreciating this detox and the good it is creating in my body and mind (evidently not yet, but eventually!)


On the plus side: I feel really good, ironically. I have energy to keep up somehow. (I think love fuels you!) I have released 17 pounds of toxins. (That also fuels me!) My mental clarity is really evident now and the vibrations I referred to almost 2 weeks ago, (again, Rhythms of Nature,) are so prominent. It's hard to describe. I have to describe it kind of like a sixth sense, but not in a material way, more a metaphysical way that feels the connection of energy. Like, when standing outside in the fresh air, or standing with the sun shining on me, or being surrounded by woods, or standing barefoot on the grass, I feel my heart opening and my nerves tingling and I get this mental picture of my mind turning into an opening lotus, ready to accept the truth. I know how this must sound, (after all, I did have to find the words to use to describe it), but no matter how new-agey it may seem, I feel energy and oneness and it only motivates me more. It reminds me of the awesome documentary I mention a lot on here, I AM (trailer below), which is also what partially led me to go on this raw detox.

The detox, I remind you, was supposed to be at least one month. Every time I see Grammy it's "Oh Beany, when are you going to start eating food again?" as if not cooking my food makes it not food any longer. (I beg to differ the opposition!) I find myself approaching the two month mark with no desire for an end yet. If anything, I feel more and more the curiosity if I have it in me to continue.

Why?! you might ask? After this second round of detox and all of the lovely symptoms I am experiencing because of it? And all the emotional turmoil it puts me through to fight off my urges for macaroni and cheese, and grilled cheese, and tofu scrambles (also with cheese)? My answer is this:

*With the next level of clean, comes the next round of detox.*

And the smell goes away eventually :)

This blog is my journalings through my journey to becoming clean, green and soulful. Every blog has been snapshots of my life and what I am learning and discovering and feeling along my way. So, even if the raw detox eventually fades out of my life (funny, that thought just made me sad to think about...), I am still applying healthy, environmental, conscious, social, spiritual and natural aspects to my life in every way that I can. For me it is worth it. It's always worth it. It is my life. It is fun for me. I am embracing my destiny and loving and laughing and learning along the way. And writing...

Thank you for your interest in my journey. I hope you are learning something too!
And I hope you are enjoying the adorable pictures of my baby girl...
I'm not a proud Mama or anything :)

And may I remind you, for your own ease of enjoyment, feel free to subscribe to my blogs by email, in the box on the top of the page. Thanks!

And hopefully next time I'll have better news to report on the stink factor...


MENTIONED:Earthing bookBraggsChlorella powderVegan prenatal vitaminI AM documentary


HAVE A SUNSHINE DAY!




"The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep
and miles to go before I sleep."

~Robert Frost